Posts in Love
Breathe You In
Breathe You In

 Heart of my heart

And

Flesh of my flesh.

I want to breathe you in

With my very breath. 

Draw you close to me

Near to my heart. 

Cling to you tightly, 

Never to depart.

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Love, grief, Stillbirth, Bereaved Mother, Stillbirth Survivor, Searching, Trauma, Life after loss, StillbornEmma Jamesbereavedmother, waiting, stillbornstillloved, newpost, stillbirth, lovingyou, lifeafterloss, woundsheal, weary, infantlosssuppprt, loving, stillbornbutstillloved, lifeafterlossblogger, lament, lifeafterlossblog, stillbornawareness, prayer, grievingmother, stillbirthmatters, survivor, sorrow, stillbirthawareness, love, suffering, grief, stillbirthblogger, grieving, stillbirthbreakthesilence, infantlossawareness, achingheart, Stillbirth, wounds, infantloss, stillborn, newblogpost, stillbirthsurvivor, stillbirthsupport, wounded, loss, findingyouComment
Dreaming
Dreaming

Sometimes I like to sit and dream.  I like to dream that I’m living in an alternate reality. I allow my imagination to run wild and replay events of everyday life, which have you in them.

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Love, Bereaved Mother, Searching, Stillbirth, grief, Stillborn, Life after loss, Pregnancy after loss, Stillbirth SurvivorEmma Jamesthankful, lifeafterlossblogger, reallove, infantlosssuppprt, stillbirthawareness, lifeafterloss, foreverloved, grievingmother, loss, stillbirth, Pregnancy after loss, healing, bereavedmother, newpost, stillborn, thanksgiving, stillbirthsupport, beloved, loving, achingheart, findingyou, stillbirthblogger, newblogpost, stillbirthmatters, stillbirthbreakthesilence, infantlossawareness, Trust, Stillbirth, grieving, forevermissed, stillbornawareness, suffering, lifeafterlossblog, pregnancyafterloss, stillbirthsurvivor, lovingyou, stillbornstillloved, transformation, grief, stillbornbutstillloved, love, hope, infantlossComment
Divided
Divided

That night, at mass, the message of surrender.  Giving it all to God.  Living with open hands.  Wanting God more than anything.  The story of Abraham, willing to sacrifice his son for love of God...I felt ashamed.  Because in the midst of all of this, if I had a choice, if I could go back in time, if I could write this story’s ending...I wouldn’t choose loss.  I wouldn’t choose your death.  I wouldn’t choose sacrifice, or this cross, or this grief.  I would choose to be your Mom this side of heaven.  The words of our pastor carved into me, and I thought I might bleed out, but I didn’t want to release my emotions. I swallowed them down hard and pretended to be unbothered.  I was convicted, but not convinced.  I was divided.

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grief, Trauma, Pregnancy after loss, Shame, Stillborn, Searching, control, Stillbirth, Losing control, Love, PTSD, Stillbirth Survivor, Bereaved Mother, Life after lossEmma Jamessorrow, weary, grief, stillbornstillloved, infantloss, anniversary, scars, running, anxiety, transformation, newpost, stillbornawareness, stillbirthsupport, stillbirthawareness, forevermissed, time, lifeafterlossblog, newblogpost, surrender, healing, 9monthanniversary, stillbirthbreakthesilence, wounds, shame, losingcontrol, gratitude, wounded, nofearinlove, prayer, grievingmother, survivor, achingheart, outofcontrol, foreverloved, stillborn, stillbirthsurvivor, woundsheal, stillbirthmatters, suffering, infantlosssuppprt, findingyou, loss, bereavedmother, stillbirth, tabernacle, love, confusion, trauma, infantlossawareness, lifeafterloss, hope, Trust, ptsdrecovery, grieving, waiting, stillbirthblogger, secretplace, stillbitter, lament, trust, fear, pregnancyafterloss, stillbornbutstillloved, lifeafterlossblogger, control, lovingyou, loving, thankful, changeComment
No Fear in Love
No Fear in Love

I am learning that your love is molding me and shaping me into someone new.  That the old me is a discarded shell, and that’s simply okay.  I’m learning that loving you came with a cost, but I would never change it. 

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Stillbirth Survivor, Bereaved Mother, Losing control, Trauma, Stillbirth, Life after loss, grief, Love, PTSD, Stillborn, Searching, Pregnancy after lossEmma Jameswaiting, love, stillbirthblogger, wounded, stillbornawareness, ptsdrecovery, suffering, scars, stillbirthawareness, stillbirthmatters, infantloss, life, survivor, grievingmother, loss, findingyou, trust, sorrow, stillbornbutstillloved, lifeafterlossblog, stillbornstillloved, wounds, grief, newblogpost, transformation, surrender, bereavedmother, infantlosssuppprt, infantlossawareness, stillbirthsurvivor, woundsheal, pregnancyafterloss, beloved, stillborn, newpost, stillbirthbreakthesilence, lifeafterlossblogger, hope, grieving, forevermissed, stillbirthsupport, stillbirth, foreverloved, healing, lifeafterloss, traumaComment